Self-Esteem at School

Peer pressure: Come on, everyone else is doing it!

"Hey Joey, how about skipping class this afternoon and going down to the mall? The guys are going ... it'll be a blast!" "No thanks, I have a lot of work to do".

"Don't be a wimp, you keener."

"Listen, get off my case. I'll join you guys after school. I just don't want to miss the work."

Where did Joey get the inner strength to resist the pressure of his peers and to keep doing what he wanted to do? It comes from an inner determination and a self respect. "This is what I want to do, and I'm not going to be thrown off track."Joey remained true to the ideals and values he believed in ... because he felt they were right and that he was entitled to those beliefs. He had set a standard for himself because he believed in himself. This is a person who has self respect and who receives the respect of others.

How do you have the courage to say "No" when the pressure is on to say "Yes"? The answer lies in having a self awareness of who you are and what you stand for. You are willing to stand up for what you believe because you have a positive self concept and feel that your decisions, when well thought out are valid and are worth defending. You are comfortable with yourself and are not willing to say "yes" when that would not reflect who you really are. In a sense, you interact with the world the way you feel internally. You express your personality in your actions because you are happy with who you are.

Had Joey not been self aware and self confident then he might very well have said "yes", when he felt he should have said "no". He would have been afraid of being labeled a "wimp" because he would have allowed his friends to create and form his identity for him. He would have allowed them to shape his decisions because he was not sure of himself. He would have been acting passively rather than proactively and he would have ended up doing something he really didn't want to do. He would have been a follower, allowing himself to be pulled along by the crowd.
People who give in to peer pressure are passive in that they give up their decision-making power to others. They feel themselves to be inferior or inadequate and therefore allow people to "use" them in the hopes of being liked. They feel their views and ideas are not worth much so they go along with the crowd. They have no moral backbone and give up their views to the "will of the majority", even if the majority is wrong.

The essential problem which causes a person to give in to peer pressure is a lack of a strong values based on upbringing and home environment. It is primarily a parent's responsibility to develop the sense of right and wrong in their children and to inspire them to make decisions they can be proud of, because "we are proud of you". Parents must develop a sense of self pride in their children by guiding them to make moral and ethical choices which help mold their personality.

Parents have the responsibility of developing a child's standards of right and wrong which in turn will give the child a compass with which to navigate the issues of life. When parents live according to a set of personal standards and values they will be creating in their child a validated sense of self and a belief system that the child can be proud of. This will give the child the inner strength to resist peer pressure.