Fear of Rejection

Feeling lonely and alienated from others is a symptom of low self-esteem. You consider yourself a "loner" and avoid pursuing or actively engaging in relationships. You may opt for a job that allows you to work in solitude. You avoid social gatherings and when you can't avoid them you try to make yourself inconspicuous and keep to yourself.

The real story is that deep down, you do crave relationships and feel a deep soul pain that you don't have the capacity to carry on a deep rewarding relationship. Let's analyze this belief. In your heart you believe that people will reject you in some way because everyone else seems to be more cool, more with it and better able to sail through life.

You have told yourself, over many years, in an internal dialogue with your "self" that you are inferior to others: not as smart, good looking or capable. You dread being rejected, insulted or put down by others and so you just forgo the desired friendship and companionship to avoid the anticipated pain

You may even bring rejection upon yourself in order to "get the dread of anticipated rejection over with." You may doubt that someone could really like me so you test them to prove their affection for you. On a subconscious level you are saying: If they really care for me they will still like me even if I provoke them. You may precipitate rejection by saying things you know you shouldn't or by acting foolishly ... and then you say to yourself, "You see, I told you I was a loser ... everyone else thinks so too. Why has God made me so lonely ... I feel like I am alone against the world. I guess it's my destiny."

Every rejection further depresses your self-esteem and you feel like you'll never get out of this cycle of loneliness and alienation.

Based on Let Us Make Man by Dr. Abraham Twerski, C.I.S. Publishers, 1991 New Jersey, pages 14-16