Feeling Guilty

Healthy guilt, like physical pain, is a warning signal that either:

Something dangerous is about to happen; or
Something has already happened that needs correction.

It is a good distressful feeling which keeps us from violating our own values. It serves a useful function. Here is an analogy:

If a fire broke out in someone's home due to faulty wiring, he would not be content with merely putting out the fire. Rather, he would have the house rewired to prevent a recurrence. When we feel guilty about something, we have to take stock of our actions and make the necessary changes in our character to prevent a recurrence.

Unhealthy guilt is a distressful feeling which occurs without reason or it persists even after appropriate steps have been taken to deal with a situation. The person with low self-esteem may react to feelings of guilt about what he has done in one of two ways:

Deny that he has done wrong in order to protect his fragile ego; or
Experience the feeling as a confirmation that he is just an unworthy person and a good for nothing who always messes up. Example: A person with low self-esteem (Mr L) has a disagreement with someone (Mr Y) and perhaps exchanges angry words with Mr Y. Later that day or the next, Mr Y gets sick. Mr L may feel that he was the cause of Mr Y's misfortune. Mr Y feels unwarranted guilt for the misfortune and thinks that his angry feelings caused the misfortune. This is irrational thinking and is evidence of pathological guilt.

When people do research on a particular challenge and make a decision, the decision may lead to unfavorable consequences. Feeling distress and pain is normal. Feeling guilty that you caused the consequences is unhealthy guilt. The decision was made with proper advice and with good intent and the person remains morally right in having made the decision. There is no reason for guilt.

Persistent guilt feelings are destructive to self-esteem and are a drain on our energies.

based on Let Us Make Man, by Dr. Abraham Twerski, C.I.S. Publishers, 1991, New Jersey, pages 80-91