Positive Thinking

You know how easy it is to come into a room and to catch your child "red handed" doing something wrong. You catch them "in the act" and they turn various shades of red. You feel a mixed sense of glee and sadness as your mind tells the child: "GOTCHA".

So how come we don't go around the house catching our loved ones red handed "doing something right"? Why are we obsessed with pointing out the negatives, faults and misdeeds of our kids, parents and spouses? The reason is because criticism and being judgmental is really a projection of our own inner self criticism. As the Talmud says: criticize others...and reveal yourself . We find fault in others because we really see the very same fault in ourselves. We are really objecting to our own inadequacy in the same area by pointing out the fault.

The best way to start finding the good and the positive in others is to start finding the good in ourselves. The word good is a play on the word God. When you see the good in your loved one you are really finding the Godliness-their sanctity. The only way to develop the attitude of finding the godliness in others is to work on discovering your own Godliness. When you find out what's right with you you can begin to find what's right with others.

In order to develop this attitude we must work on our positive thinking. This is an art-and can be learned. So how can we develop a positive outlook on life? I thought that "either you have it or you don't?! Wrong. First we must begin to act in a proactive, "doing" manner. We must begin to focus on the needs of others and not be so self absorbed. Doing an act of kindness for someone, especially if it unsolicited, will do wonders for your self perception. Your perceptions of yourself are based on actions not thoughts.

One way to monitor your actions is to keep a journal and record every time you did a positive act or said a positive word or praised someone. Another way is to share your feelings with a close friend or a spiritual advisor. This person can help point out your talents and capabilities and motivate you to continue living in a giving way. You may want to try organizing or joining a self actualization group, like a 12 Steps to Self Esteem Group. In this setting you can give and receive mutual support and build up each other's self esteem.